I recently met a new client and she told me about her struggle to get people who support, or more to the point want to support, her to understand that she doesn’t want to “get out there” in the community. She described going for a walk as “work”, not because she is adverse to the exercise and fresh air but because “sometimes people stop me and want to chat”. She said, “I know this sounds awful….it’s the being friendly part. I don’t want to be rude. It’s exhausting for me.”
We went on to discuss strategies for both avoiding those types of engagements and also strategies for dealing with them but this got me thinking….does anyone actually enjoy talking about the weather? Probably not, but introverts especially loathe it. For them, small talk doesn’t come naturally. It feels inauthentic and forced — and it wastes their time and limited social energy. Sure, they’ll do it if they have to, but they’ll be looking for an escape ASAP. Extroverts, on the other hand, seem to have an easier time tolerating (and making) small talk on the fly. Words flow more easily for them, because, as some research suggests, extroverts may rely more on active memory than long-term memory when speaking — which essentially puts words on the tip of their tongue. Introverts do the opposite, which explains why they may pause frequently during conversation and need extra time to think before responding.
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