There are many reasons for why kids are whining but what it comes down to is that whining works. Parents can be frustrated by kids whining and they will give it their attention, either positive or negative, which is giving “power” over to the child in the situation.
Whining is a learned behaviour over time. Allowing the child to whine can often stretch our boundaries and kids learn that probably whining more will get them what they want. For example, kids may whine to watch more television or eat more sweets and by giving in to the demand or even giving them attention will encourage them to continue this behaviour to get what they want.
When parents consistently teach kids in an effective way that whining is not accepted this behaviour becomes much less frequent, if it continues at all.
Here are 3 strategies to stop kids whining:
- Stop letting whining work
Whining works because we’re giving in, so by not giving in this behaviour will start to decrease in frequency.
Wherever the whining begins, at the shops or at home, say “no” and stick to it. There should be no negotiating or reasoning as this can weaken your standpoint. The whining may escalate to a tantrum, so if this happens, let them continue the tantrum in a calm safe place (like the car or their room). This will teach your child that whining or even a tantrum will not get them what they want. Once they have calmed down you should help them deal with the feelings of disappoint but remain strong in that they cannot have what they were whining for.
- Stop giving whining negative attention
By paying no attention to the whining, you will be keeping your boundaries firmly in place. This will also remove the incentive for the child to continue using whining to get their own way.
Set your expectations by telling your kids calmly you’d like them to ask for what they want in a normal voice. You may want to give them an example of a normal voice compared to a whiny voice.
Explain your response will be to ignore them by continuing to go about your day if they use their whiny voice (or have a tantrum).
- Stay strong in your approach
Now the hard part begins, following through on this approach every single time. Staying calm and choosing to walk away in these situations is the best way to reinforce that whining is not acceptable.
When your child uses their normal voice to ask for something, respond in a happy and calm way to encourage them to approach you in this way each time.
Unfortunately stopping these behaviours will not happen immediately, there will be some push back as your kids try to establish a new way of getting what they want. However, with patience and consistency you will see a change in how they handle their emotions and stop using whining as a response.
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